Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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