he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize