Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
