she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
