Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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