i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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