you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
