I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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