There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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