me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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