How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love having hate sex.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
