I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
