There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do herpes really smell.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
