So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
