So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
