i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
