He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
