im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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