I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
