i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
