After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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