Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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