Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
