I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize