Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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