That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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