I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
