so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
