roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
