took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
