apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
