i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
