This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
