Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
