Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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