youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
