dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
