Its about making memories worth repressing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
