Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
40s are totally the cure
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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