A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
