i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
