the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
