saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize