I think my fart just growled at me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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