It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
