If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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