Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
