I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
