: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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