Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize