obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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