We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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