When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
