i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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