i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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