I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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