we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
