I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
