i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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