You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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