just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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