Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
