you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
