my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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