So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
