im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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