Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
