I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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