I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
