Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
