I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
