Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
