i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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