a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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