Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
