you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize