Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
