I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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